idk why im doing this. i always feel guilty after venting. i hate putting everything out there but i guess i need to do it every once in awhile. why do i feel so much pressure? i know everyone around may have even worse problems, yet, i continue to complain, doubt, etc. i just dont understand whats gone over me. its like all i do is become depressed over the smallest things. i know i have problems and none of them can be solved within a min., but i wish it did. why did this recession start? whyd i make so many mistakes? i continuously ask why when i know that it does nothing. instead of asking why, i should be doing other things. i tell myself to continue striving but i feel like ive lost all of my determination. what happened to that little happy girl who just wanted to study and make others happy? i feel so lonely, undetermined, weak, ugly, selfish, hated, jealous, dumb, gullible, etc. i never tell any of my friends anything but only a few can see that im truly unhappy. i have to lie to myself to act happy when im really not. maybe its bc i really want to be happy and/or maybe i just want to make my friends happy. either way, none of it is working. everything is so stressful, not in the amount of work but idkk. parents, finance, friends, my life, etc. i cant seem to make things right for me and the people around me. maybe its bc i expect too muchh. in some ways, i see that ive worked hard but on the other hand, im so pitiful that i cant seem to find that light. ughh, im starting to regret this. i dont want to complain or explode, just like that. id rather keep everything bottled in instead of crying. im so weak and i need to improve. i wished i show more action and make the people around me happy.

truthfully, i also have problems against stereotypes, although i have the same problem. we tend to say others are rich bc of their house or properties, we tend to say someone’s smart bc of their grades or ethnicity, we tend to say someone’s life has no problems bc of their usual cheerfulness or bc they do not stress their problems, we tend to think someone’s mean but we don’t know what’s going on in their life, we tend to say that someone’s change when maybe they are just showing their true selves, we tend to say so much that if I were to list it all, it’d be longer than these 2 pages of typing. if these blogs offend anyone in ANY way, im sorry bc i didn’t plan for it to turn into some crisis.

problems will always stay with each & every one of us unless we take lead & do something about it which i was too much of a coward to do. what’s the use of saying all this? i sure hope i take action to change.

since, im on this venting roll lols, i sincerely apologize to my friends at school if lately you feel as though ive been rude to you or impatient with you or if you think ive changed since last year from nice & calm to stressful & mean. let’s just say that ive seen the world a bit better. even if you guys become impatient with my way of displaying myself & we end up becoming strangers,  once a friend, always a friend, even if we don’t talk. i consider everyone a friend.